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Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Seeing Past the Red


Back and forth, my mom and I volleyed words of anger. Her face turned red as she yelled and it was difficult for me to get one word in, edgewise. 

I avoid confrontation; I'm a lover, not a fighter, every day, any day, in the majority of situations. I prefer talking about a situation in a rational manner and responding instead of reacting. 

But, sometimes, fights happen. 

And they suck. 

Especially when they are with family and others that are close to us. 

But, that's who we usually end up fighting with. 

I'd like to believe that most people choose their battles, opting only to engage when the fight is worthwhile. Usually this takes a certain amount of care and consideration. Otherwise, why bother? 

That's the beautiful thing about most family fights- on most occasions, what lies beneath the yelling, the blaming, the tears... under all that ugly negative energy... is love

Whenever I can momentarily pull myself away from a fight and gain some perspective on the situation, I can usually find an empathetic understanding for my opponent's stance. In just about every case of Mom versus me, the reason for her anger stems from some mutation of her want for the best for me. 

Our differing views of what constitutes life satisfaction and happiness often creates conflict. I fight for acceptance of my views and she fights for me to adapt hers. (Ironic, the amount of negative energy coming from the common goal of happiness). The important factor to highlight here, though, is that my well being is important enough to her to be fought for. 

How could I be mad at that? 

In the heat of an argument, it's difficult to even attempt to find a positive angle to the negative situation. We see red, in anger, and it blinds us to the whole picture as our focus can concentrate on nothing else. 

Step back 
...
Create distance
...
Breath
...
Reassess
... 
Find the love- it's hidden under all that negativity... somewhere. 

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